I'm feeling very stressed at the moment. Almost angry. I know it will only get worse if I don't get this out somehow, so I thought I would use my blog as an outlet tonight.
I really miss my family. Moving here to Muncie and starting college has been a big adjustment for me. I try to talk to my parents every day and ask my sisters how school is going for them. This helps keep my spirits up a little bit. We are a tight knit family, and it's hard for me to not think about them all the time. It's slowly getting a little easier; I know I'm growing up and I need to move on and do things for myself, but it still doesn't keep me from looking out for my family. Today has been especially difficult in keeping my mind off of them.
That is item number one on the agenda. Keep item one in mind while reading item two.
Item number two is a bit more complicated. Let's just say for the past year I have been kind of selfless. SELFLESS. Not selfish. Now I won't lie; I have my moments. But in all honesty, I gave up most of my senior year so I could concentrate on other things for other people. I didn't realize how much I missed out on last year until after I graduated. There were parties, games, bonfires, and movie trips that I consistently turned down because I was directing my attention towards making other people happy. Don't get me wrong; I have no regrets. If I could do it all over again I wouldn't change a thing (because when you love someone you make sacrifices for them). But, lately I have been feeling like that favor isn't being returned.
This probably doesn't make any sense to anyone. That's alright. I probably will never have a blog post centered around depressive emotions ever again.
Anyway, these two stress inducers combined accomplish nothing but make me want to bang my head against my desk and pull my hair out. I know I should be focusing on school, but it's hard to do when I have all this on my mind, AND I don't have a concrete major yet. Which brings me to another item...
I have no idea what I want to do with my life. All I know is:
I love kids.
I know a little about politics.
I could set up some of the most amazing concerts ever. Period. Enough said.
Now, if anyone knows a career in which I could combine those skills, let me know.
After reading back through this... I DO feel better. A little. Maybe.
You could do something in Social Work. Social Workers work with kids and they get into politics too, sometimes.
ReplyDeleteWork for (or start) some sort of political organization aimed at educating children and young adults about the election process and democracy, gives unbiased info about candidates and use concerts to get them there?
ReplyDeleteAnd I didn't have a major until halfway through my sophomore year--I know right now it feels like you need to figure out every last detail about your life by Friday or it's going to get shot to hell, but you don't. Focus on your gen eds, be open to options you hadn't realized before. I hated history going in to college, because several crappy teachers had made it seem boring. I took a class in college and fell in love. You'll figure it out. Give yourself some time.
And if you need to talk, give me a call.
I know how you feel about missing home and moving away being an adjustment. I don't feel like that anymore, though. But a few years ago when I moved to Germany as an exchange student it was quite an adjustment for me. I wasn't allowed to speak english and I could only email my family once a week for an hour. It took some time for me to get used to everything. I wasn't really that dependent on my family but moving away really taught me how to become independent and take care of myself. So I know how it is in the begining, but trust me it get's better.
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